


Gone

by FluffyBlue



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian, 19天 | 19 Tiān - Various Authors
Genre: Anger, Angst, Frustration, Loneliness, M/M, Regrets, absent Jian Yi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:09:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7741039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyBlue/pseuds/FluffyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything felt empty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone

Lying on his bed, Zheng Xi stared at the ceiling, thinking about the week he’d just had.

No obnoxiously emoji-filled good morning texts.

No one waiting outside his house.

No senseless chatter accompanying his way to school.

No one whispering dirty jokes during class.

No erasers thrown at him to get his attention.

No one stealing half his lunch.

No arm thrown around his shoulder when walking to a different classroom.

No one scaring the shit out of him jumping at him out of nowhere.

No dozens of missed calls and redundant texts.

No one ringing his doorbell till it broke.

No home invasions.

No one to make a mess at his place.

No constant source of annoyance.

No one to be his best friend.

No one.

Everything felt empty.

For years all he’d wanted was to get some peace and quiet. To wake up slowly one morning and not be thrown into a world of unending blabber the moment he left his building. To spend one day where he could reliably expect not to have to get into a fight because that idiot couldn’t keep his mouth shut. To go to sleep without worrying that he might be woken up by a certain obnoxious home invader.

He had all the peace and quiet he could ever wish for now. And he didn’t want it. Any of it.

It _sucked_. The quiet walks to school made him uneasy. The lack of disturbances during class made it impossible to focus on the material. His phone was so inactive it could just go into retirement, unnoticed. All this absence of  blabber-mouthing, boundary-invading and mess-making which by all rights should have made him relieved just made him feel incomplete instead.

He missed Jian Yi. He missed him so much it hurt. It was like he had lost a limb. They’d spent so much time together, Jian Yi had become part of who he was, without Zheng Xi ever noticing. It was exactly like the saying went: he never knew what he had until it was gone.

Zheng Xi really hadn’t known. He’d been so ridiculously clueless it was almost funny.

He’d known about Jian Yi’s feelings for him of course. Though it had taken him a while to see it, despite how obvious they were; denial was a powerful force, and Zheng Xi was especially good at it.

Even after noticing how Jian Yi felt about him, he remained oblivious to his own feelings. He never even asked himself if he might he feel the same - there was simply no way.

Or so he thought. To think it’d taken Jian Yi disappearing without explanation or even so much as a goodbye for Zheng Xi to realise he was in love with his best friend.

Really, it was hilarious in a completely tragic sort of way.

He had no idea what happened to Jian Yi. He Tian, giving no explanation as to his knowledge of the situation, had assured him Jian Yi was safe, but refused to elaborate despite all Zheng Xi’s best efforts to persuade him (that is to say, beating the shit out of him got Zheng Xi nothing but He Tian’s ever self-satisfied smirk and a whole lot of bruises). At least it seemed like he could be believed on the Jian Yi being safe part; He Tian had no reason to lie.

The worst part of all this was not knowing whether he would ever see him again. A part of his brain had dedicated itself to repeating the same six words over and over again in his head; W _hat if he never comes back?_

He might never see his best friend again. He might never have the chance to apologise for having been such a huge dick to him for such a big portion of their relationship. He might never be able to tell him his feelings were mutual.

He wanted to go look for him so bad, but he knew it would be pointless. If the suspicious looking guys he’d seen at Jian Yi’s place were really mafia, and they were responsible for his disappearance, both of which were extremely likely, there was absolutely no telling where they could have taken him. He could be in some foreign country on the other side of the planet for all he knew.

Zheng Xi hated himself for being so powerless. Until now he’d prided himself in always being there to protect Jian Yi. Yet now that his friend needed him most, he was utterly incapable of doing anything to help him. He’d failed. He was a failure. He was a fucking failure and there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it except sit there and punch the wall in frustration until his little sister found him and begged him to stop. He hadn’t even noticed his hands were bleeding until she offered to bandage them.

Really, this week had been the fucking worst. And he had a feeling it wasn’t about to get better.


End file.
